Episode 41 - The Unspoken Dance Between Fear and Desire

There is a delicate dance that happens when you want to try something new and fear. Not many people are aware of how this works, but once you do, you'll see fear in a whole new light.

In this episode, I share a story about my daughter's desire to jump off a bridge. It perfectly illustrates the push and pull between desire and fear. 

Enjoy :)

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Transcript

I have the perfect story to share with you today that illustrates how fear shows up right when you’re about to do something exciting.

And my hope in sharing this with you is to help you understand the dance that happens between wanting to go after something you really want AND the resistance that comes up within you that will put on the brakes EVEN when it’s a good thing you’re moving towards.

I was visiting a friend with my kids and there’s a legendary bridge in the area where she lives – or as she refers to it, the right-of-passage for every teenager in the area – they have to jump off of at least once.

She took us there (of course).

There was beautiful, pristine water under the bridge, a rope swing off to the one side, and of course, the bridge to jump off into the depths of the deep, dark water.

I could tell my daughter really wanted to jump off the bridge but she was afraid.

She enjoyed swinging off the rope into the water as she watched the other (older) kids jump from the bridge, including my friend’s daughter.

She even watched me jump a couple times before she ventured to the top.

We were all actively encouraging her – and I admit there’s fine line here between peer pressure and encouragement. BUT we knew she wanted to do it and everyone who was encouraging her also expressed that it was totally OK if she wasn’t ready.

So, we continued.

And she climbed over the railing, and prepared herself to jump.

We told her she could do it.
That she had jumped from higher during her diving lessons.
That we would jump with her.
And it was totally safe.

Still she held on.

And as we encouraged her more, tears started to form in her eyes.

She stood there, looking down, feeling the pressure, feeling the desire to jump, but too afraid to take the leap.

She climbed back over the railing to safety, doing her best to hold the tears in.

THIS is how it feels to go after what you want.

This push and pull of desire and fear.

Of wanting to take the leap while desperately clinging to safety.
Of knowing you’re FULLY capable of doing it yet terrified to take action.
Of wanting something so badly while simultaneously afraid of fully committing.

This PUSH and PULL --- this experience that I witnessed in my daughter on that bridge, this story that I share with you --- this is how it feels when you want to make massive changes to your life.

THIS is how it works.

There is one part of you --- the soul part of you – that is pulling you forward, calling you to be better, to create a BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL life for yourself.

And there’s the other part --- the ego, the part of you that’s been bruised and battered down by life, that holds all of your limiting beliefs – telling you can’t, that’s it’s too risky, that you need to play small and stay safe.

However, what your ego doesn’t know, is that the soul part of you sees the ENTIRE picture - it doesn’t pull you to do anything you can’t do. It doesn’t call on you to do anything unsafe.

From it’s perspective, you are FULLY capable of absolutely every seed it plants inside of you.

Whether that’s the desire to quit your job and stay home with your kids.
Or sell your house and travel the world.
Or to start an online business.

It doesn’t see staying stuck in misery, not believing in yourself, holding yourself back because you’re afraid – it doesn’t see these things as being “safe”.

To your soul, THIS is risky. It is RISKY to stay stuck where you are when you could be living the life of your dreams – that life that your soul is URGING you to live.

When I was standing at the top of that bridge, getting ready to jump for the first time, I felt fear.

I hesitated.

Standing at the top, teetering on the edge, looking down, OVERthinking it (Should I do it? Should I not do it?) --- that’s the scariest part.

Stuck in indecision.
Too much time to think, second guess, worry.

If I could give you one piece of advice from SO MANY pushing through fear experiences, it would be this:

Don’t think about it. Move quickly. Make a decision and take steps forward immediately.

As I stood on the edge of that bridge, working up the courage to jump, I knew that thinking about it was the WORST possible thing I could be doing. All it was doing was magnifying my fear.

So I turned to my friend, and said “Count me down: 3, 2, 1, JUMP.”

And I jumped.

I felt the exhilaration of doing something scary.
I felt proud of myself for going for it.

I got out of that water with a GIANT smile on my face. Unscathed.

Fear will ALWAY come up when you’re about to do something exciting, new, different.

But remember, your soul would NEVER call you forward to do something you couldn’t do.

So don’t think about it – overthinking is your enemy.

Take the leap.

You’ll be proud of yourself for going for it.