Episode 59 - Brittany Racine: Divorce + Business: Surviving As Your World Crumbles

Divorce is messy. Running a failing business is messy. And BOTH happening at the same time put Brittany Racine into survival mode, where each day felt like dealing with yet another explosion. We get into it ALLLL in our conversation.

More about Brittany👇

Juggling single motherhood and a demanding real estate career, Brittany has proven her resilience and determination. After overcoming the hardships of divorce and a failed business, Brittany has learned valuable lessons that have fueled her success and allowed her to build a powerful life for her family.

Connect with Brittany Racine 👇

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brittany.racine.79/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittanyracine_/

If you want to break free from the 9 to 5 or spend more time with your family, then check out this FREE webinar that goes over exactly what I'm doing to create time and financial freedom.
https://www.breakingfreewithlindsay.com/learn

If you ever have any questions or want to reach out - I'd love to connect with you. Send me a DM on Facebook (it's the best way to reach me!)

Transcript

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Lindsay Ford: Welcome to another episode of the breaking free with Lindsay. Podcast I have Britney, Racine with me, and she's a mother and real estate agent. And we're going to get into all of the fun stuff today. Welcome to the podcast Britney.

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brittanyracine: Thank you for having me.

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Lindsay Ford: I'm excited to dive into this conversation because, we're going to talk about

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Lindsay Ford: divorce and business, and just sort of the messiness of life, because life often throws curve balls, and I've been having so many conversations with

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Lindsay Ford: I mean, so like, I feel like I've had 3 conversations in the last 5 days about the messiness of divorce and co-parenting, and just all of the the stuff that comes up. So I know it's a topic that you know, I've been thinking a lot about lately, and so it's just kind of serendipitous that we're going to be diving into a little bit of your story. So why don't you walk us through your experience?

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Lindsay Ford: Cause, I know. Just before we hit record, you were talking about

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Lindsay Ford: sort of the divorce was happening at the same time. Your business was crumbling. So why don't you walk us through that sort of

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Lindsay Ford: you know, complex, you know.

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Lindsay Ford: time and and and your journey through it and out of it.

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brittanyracine: So right before I was getting divorced. My husband at the time was he had bought into. He had bought a franchise for a fast food restaurant, and we opened this Llc. And I was trying to be supportive of

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brittanyracine: this goal for him as a career, because, I mean, I was doing real estate, and my kids were both super little, so I was with them full time and working so I would bring them to showings with me. I would bring them to closings with me like it was a lot of shuffling at that time, but real estate was still going well, so that was still my plan to stay focused on that. And so this, this fast food restaurant was going to be his

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brittanyracine: next step to open a bunch of different franchises because he's 1 of his friends, had sold it to him. So we we opened the Llc. We were both on the Llc.

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brittanyracine: I. So he started working at it and running it. And it was

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brittanyracine: definitely something that neither of us were very familiar with, and we had horrible staffing issues. I mean, nobody wants to work minimum wage anymore. But then businesses can't even afford minimum wage, especially in a franchise, because there's so many regulations from corporate corporate will like have a hammer on every single thing that just makes it impossible to make a penny.

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brittanyracine: because they just have hours that they, our regulations product regulations like you. You can't cut corners anywhere on any spending or any staffing.

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brittanyracine: and it's just really hard to make ends meet with that which we did not anticipate. So

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brittanyracine: he was running the business. With that I was doing the real estate and the kid stuff. I really had no idea how to run the business, but for, as far as I was told, he said it was doing really well, and that was great. The only time I ever really filled in was if somebody was sick I would go in and like literally serve the customers. That's all I knew how to do was like, make the food and wash the dishes. That's it. So probably about a year in

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brittanyracine: like, I mean, obviously, our relationship had been struggling because we had 2 young kids. I was overextended.

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brittanyracine: I don't know we were in this weird period of What's what are you doing with the career? And then the business was much different than we had anticipated. So I don't know, after years of really having issues that I was trying to resolve, I was kind of just done, but along at the same time.

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brittanyracine: he had said, you know, we need to sell the business, and I'm like, Well, why do we need to sell the business if it's been doing so well, well, it's not doing so well. It's like bleeding money, and I'm like as of when like, I didn't know any of this. So once we finally like started taking steps in the directions for the divorce.

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brittanyracine: I didn't realize that he wasn't going in there anymore, so I had gone in to get my son

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brittanyracine: food one day because we were over there, and the staff was like, we haven't seen him in months, like we don't know where he is. And I'm like.

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brittanyracine: what do you mean? So I kind of had to step in and be like, well, okay, I'll take over the scheduling because, like, how are these people supposed to work? How they supposed to live if they don't know when they're working. So I kind of started to take over the scheduling, which was really challenging because nobody wanted to work, and we were just shifting into college. So a lot of kids were like leaving. So

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brittanyracine: so anyway, he never ended up going back

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brittanyracine: to it. So I had to take on

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brittanyracine: the business that was bleeding to death on every level, with absolutely no.

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brittanyracine: no help no direction. And then the corporate, the way that corporate setup is they have managers and teams in different areas of like wherever you live. I want to say it's called like the Da or the BA. I don't even know what they stand for anymore, but

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brittanyracine: they were like constantly fining me for every little thing out of the sun. So I'm paying for all of my household expenses, all of my kids trying to work real estate so that I can pay for all of these things. Now, attorneys. Now this business that I'm literally dumping money into, just to keep the doors open, because corporate will say, you know

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brittanyracine: if you don't follow these rules like we'll take it from you. And then I'm still liable, for you know the hundreds of thousands of dollars that we still owed on it. So it was like, no matter what where I was, I couldn't win. And then that just got so messy where there was. I mean.

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brittanyracine: people were calling me on the weekends that work there in jail, and we got robbed at gunpoint, and then Covid hit. So it was like all of those

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brittanyracine: new rules were just like, if you're even trying to survive like the Covid thing was just like done. You're done

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brittanyracine: so. It really I mean? I don't even know where you want me to stop. Is that to answer the question? But that's really what snowballed into what dragged out for really 2 years

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brittanyracine: from like 2019 to 2021,

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brittanyracine: yeah.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, yeah,

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Lindsay Ford: I.

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Lindsay Ford: So he just stopped showing up.

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Lindsay Ford: He just stopped.

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Lindsay Ford: That's

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Lindsay Ford: I mean, I guess, from like a mental emotional

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Lindsay Ford: space. I'm guessing. He was just overwhelmed and just checked out, and was like, I'm done and left you.

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brittanyracine: More like, I gotta figure out what I'm gonna do.

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brittanyracine: Cause this isn't working. And if we're splitting up, I mean, I was like we have to work. We have to get through this business.

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Lindsay Ford: Right.

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brittanyracine: To be done with it if we're closing, if we're selling it, whatever we're doing like.

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brittanyracine: Probably neither of us can sustain living, and that alone, but

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brittanyracine: it was just. There was absolutely no way to communicate, or we're like I was doing all of it like I was there like 12 HA day. So how was I gonna work my regular job while my son's starting kindergarten? I'm trying to do the school drop off. Then whoever was like supposed to open the business like didn't show up. So then I got to run in there. But I'm getting fined because it's not open. It was like such a mess

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brittanyracine: while trying to, you know, juggle all these different things with the court system, and like doing the following through the divorce. So I think he was more focused on, what is he going to do?

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brittanyracine: Not okay. How are we gonna get out of this business so that we cause I mean essentially like, if we could have both had to file bankruptcy individually.

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brittanyracine: if we both just

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brittanyracine: stepped away from it, which I mean, had I known that Covid was coming

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brittanyracine: when I 1st had to get involved in it. I probably would have put a PIN in it way sooner.

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brittanyracine: but I mean I I had no idea what Co. The Covid wasn't even a word, so I had no idea what was coming, and you have no idea how long it is. You have no idea what the repercussions are. I have. I have, Covid that I'm fighting against. I have corporate that I'm fighting against.

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brittanyracine: and I'm also going through a hellacious

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brittanyracine: divorce with attorneys and everything. So it was just like continuous conflict, like every single day. I feel like I woke up, and just like

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brittanyracine: a bomb went off in my face every single day.

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Lindsay Ford: Right. So were you at that time like, how are you coping like mentally, emotionally, with all of that? Because that's a lot

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Lindsay Ford: of stress. And I can imagine

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Lindsay Ford: just sort of being in survival mode. But like, what was that actually like for you?

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brittanyracine: I definitely was in survival mode, and that was like

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brittanyracine: a depressing time of my life. But it was like situationally depressed. I wasn't depressed

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brittanyracine: in my head about myself and all of that it was more.

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brittanyracine: How is this going so wrong? And how do I get out of this alive? Because at the same time like, and a lot of people know with divorce like you lose your friends. Your your family splits up like I like. I didn't just have corporate, and

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brittanyracine: the court situation coming after me like I had the closest people in my life coming after me. So it was like I literally had no one

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brittanyracine: and

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brittanyracine: nothing, no way to get out. And I think that's the hardest thing, too, is having absolutely no control. And it's like you're trying to make the the next right decision. And it's always

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brittanyracine: exploding in your face because somebody's not happy with it. You make one decision that you're like, okay, well, I don't want to do this, because then that person's gonna like, Come after me on this. And so you do that. And then this person's mad at you. So it's like

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brittanyracine: I couldn't even do one thing right a day. It was just like, survive the day. Get the kids where they need to get.

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brittanyracine: What's the thing that is the most important that needs to get done like which which things are the most, are going to create the most damage if I don't do them, because regardless, tomorrow is going to come with 55 more bombs. So which ones can I avoid?

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brittanyracine: And that's really how I had to do it. It was like going to basically war every day because I was gonna have battles on every level. But it was like

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brittanyracine: trying to handle the right ones. It was, I mean, it was a lose-lose for so long, but it was just getting through the day, one terrible thing at a time.

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brittanyracine: and then trying to just realize it's going to be over, which at the time I did not think it was going to take 2 years, or I don't know if I would have known it was going to take 2 years, it probably would have been a lot worse on my mental health, but I was just looking at the next day. Be like, Okay, it's going to be like, just keep going. It's going to be over. And then it just never got over for so long.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah. And I love that. You're I love how you're describing this. Because it's almost like this.

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Lindsay Ford: this helpless feeling out of control. Other people are controlling your situation essentially, or like these, like you said, these, these fires and these bombs are going off in front of you. There's explosions, and

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Lindsay Ford: your only task is to

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Lindsay Ford: I just put them out one at a time, or sort of, you know, triage or troubleshoot sort of the the most important ones. So how? How did you then? Okay, move from that like really explosive situation to

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Lindsay Ford: to where you are now? How did you? How did things start to ease up for you.

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Lindsay Ford: And how did you work through the those? All of those issues? Because that was, that's a lot.

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brittanyracine: Yeah, that was hard, I mean, in a way, Covid

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brittanyracine: helped a little. I mean it definitely like.

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brittanyracine: put the nail in the coffin for the business

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brittanyracine: which honestly didn't really have. There was no way to make that comeback unless I quit my job, and

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brittanyracine: literally put all of my time and effort into that, and every dollar I had, and like went into bankruptcy. And like I, there's there was no

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brittanyracine: fixing it.

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brittanyracine: But

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brittanyracine: hold on! I lost my truth of thought, now.

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Lindsay Ford: Okay, take your time.

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brittanyracine: But

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brittanyracine: coming out of that. Oh, so in a way, Covid

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brittanyracine: slightly helped because

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brittanyracine: the the rules changed because the rules were different in every single, every state and every city, so I couldn't stay open 12 HA day

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brittanyracine: that we could only, you know, stay open so many hours a day, and we couldn't have too many people working at one time, because there was just a lot of different rules with that. And then products were out. So we had a lot of product problems where we couldn't get products that we needed. So I couldn't carry all the products because there they weren't accessible. So I mean, I kind of just started breaking the rules, which I'm not saying was a good idea, but

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brittanyracine: kind of when that was going on, like the Da or the BA

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brittanyracine: regional like management

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brittanyracine: like up and left like they kind of all like dissipated. And they were gone because they were actually doing a lot of illegal, illegal things where they were letting. They were like kind of aiding these businesses into failure, so that then they could buy them and flip them.

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Lindsay Ford: Oh, interesting!

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brittanyracine: So while these people are like telling me what to do and trying to tell me they're helping me, they're actually setting me up to fail.

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brittanyracine: And so I kind of started just breaking the rules. Because I'm like, okay, at this point, what are you going to take this the business from me. Please take the business from me like, because at this point, if I close it, I'm out all the money. I've all the money that I've already, you know, taken out as a loan, but I'm also going to be out for the lease, and however many years is less on that or left on that I'm going to be out on royalties, which I don't even know how many years of royalties you're going to be charging me once I close. So it was.

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brittanyracine: There was more than just the hundreds of thousands I put into it, if they just take it. So at that point I was like, take it. I just take it, because honestly stop the bleeding, and I'm going to lose a ton of money anyway. So just take it and be done. So I kind of started just not doing the ones that were not important. But we're finding me.

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brittanyracine: which was not great, but I mean I didn't have a choice. There was nothing I could do, so I kind of just

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brittanyracine: coasted it. I had one employee. He was like 60 years old, and he's my best friend lower so close still, and he did everything so like he literally would put his lawn mower in the back of his G. 6, and drive it there and cut the grass because the landlord stopped cutting the grass, because obviously I was way behind on paying my rent because there was just it was.

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brittanyracine: it was never gonna work. So I kind of started just being like, we're just gonna and he was totally on my team. So we're just gonna do this the best that we can until we're out, and whatever rules we have to break. In the meantime we got to break because I can't survive like this, and still pay for my family and my kids and my house and all this other stuff. Well, I'm spending all my money on this. So started breaking the rules on that, and was just trying to survive.

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brittanyracine: I found a buyer for that, and he ended up

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brittanyracine: walking away from it 2 days before we were supposed to close, which cost me like an additional $10,000 out of my own money, to try to transfer all the licenses and stuff which I put that on corporate because they didn't support him, and they disappeared. So he was like, I don't want this. If I have no support.

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Lindsay Ford: Right.

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brittanyracine: So that was a mess. And then this was kind of all wrapping up.

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brittanyracine: When the divorce was finally wrapping up, after I had gone through several attorneys because it was so messy like I tried to. I got an attorney that was like, let's just do the administrative crap. I don't want to fight. I don't want us to hate each other for a hundred years, because of whatever we go through in the court system. Just like, let's do this amicable. Just do the administrative part of this. Well, then, he got an attorney that was like, I'm here to literally make you kill yourself and just drain you on every level that matters 0

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brittanyracine: and completely attack you and spend like 4 h berating you about things that she made up just to make me upset. And it was like, Okay, then my guy was like, I don't even want to work with her.

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brittanyracine: So he left. So then the court actually appointed me a new like. The counselor that was through the court gave me a new attorney because there was a lot of things going on that she wasn't allowed to say, because he didn't consent, that on the other side didn't consent for her to speak, so she gave me a different attorney. Well, this attorney. I had no idea

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brittanyracine: I gave him like a home run, and he like dropped it. I'm like, what are you doing? I've paid you how much money I've given you like I've done like on paper. It was like what this isn't even a fight right. Well, it comes to find out that later I had found out. Can you hear me still? Sorry.

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Lindsay Ford: I can still hear you.

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brittanyracine: So I later found out that my attorney was actually being debarred for having a dui and sexually assaulting his clients

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brittanyracine: during this time. So I'm going to court paying this guy to represent me and like, Hey, please protect me because I'm getting attacked on every level. And he just sat there

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brittanyracine: and did nothing, and just said that I looked good in court, or I looked hot in court, and just I didn't say anything wrong. I don't even want to talk. I paid you to do this like what? Why are we even here? So I didn't know any of that. So it was like one disappointment after the next of me, like begging somebody to help me and paying for somebody to help me, and people telling me they're going to do so amazing. And

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brittanyracine: that's what I got.

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brittanyracine: So it was like, is anybody

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brittanyracine: where is like

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brittanyracine: the morals in people.

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brittanyracine: So that's what I got out of. And I was super pissed about that because I had paid that guy so much money to embarrass me really.

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brittanyracine: and

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brittanyracine: that like made me lose faith in so many people and lose faith in the court system, and

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brittanyracine: was a mess. So I kind of like have decompressed for the past like 2 years.

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brittanyracine: and really figured out what lessons I learned from that, because I think it's like when something horrible happens like we're so shook and like thrown back by

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brittanyracine: the actual event, and, you know, trying to work it out in our head of like what just happened then. It was like 2 years later, I'm like.

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brittanyracine: Oh, this is why that happened. Okay, this is why I don't feel that way anymore about

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brittanyracine: I don't know. I don't know if it's to the court, or if it's

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brittanyracine: corporate or whatever it is like, it's it changed my views on a lot of things which really propelled me to shift, how I go forward in life.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, I'd love to dive further into that, because one of the things that came up for me while you were talking about it, you were just sort of

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Lindsay Ford: almost you are. You're paying people money. You were sort of hemorrhaging money, needing help, asking for help. These people are supposed to help you, and they're essentially just taking advantage of you.

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brittanyracine: Taking.

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Lindsay Ford: Money and leaving you high and dry. And so what are the lessons that you learned

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Lindsay Ford: through those experiences like? Because sometimes we just have to have really hard experiences to either propel us in one direction or just to like

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Lindsay Ford: finally, sync in a message that maybe has been trying to get in before. But like was there? What were your insights into?

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Lindsay Ford: Why, those things happened for you.

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brittanyracine: I think this was a really hard lesson for me to learn

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brittanyracine: to

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brittanyracine: trust myself.

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brittanyracine: because I think a lot of times I'm such a people pleaser, and I hate conflict, and I always want to be overvalidated because I don't want to make the right decision. And you know, just like

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brittanyracine: I guess it's lack was lack of confidence in my own thought process.

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brittanyracine: And

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brittanyracine: I've learned, I mean, obviously it took that long and that horrible of things to happen to really shock that into me. But it really made me realize that nobody's coming to save me, and I'm the only person that's going to get me to where I want to be in life. It's not going to be.

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brittanyracine: you know, a business. It's not going to be a person that I'm dating. It's not going to be a court. It's gonna be nothing like I'm the only person that can get me to where I want to be. And the only way I'm going to get there is to stop listening to all these other people who are are trying to make me

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brittanyracine: choose my decision, based on their fears or their intentions. So it really made me realize

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brittanyracine: if I would have done a lot of this my own way, and actually listen to the voice in my head. It probably would have worked out better for me. But I I was so scared to do the wrong thing.

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brittanyracine: so it really made me realize.

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brittanyracine: trust your own thoughts, and trust what you trust, what you think you should do.

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brittanyracine: regardless of everything else that's going on, because a lot of people are giving advice out there that don't know anything, what they're saying or what they're doing.

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brittanyracine: So don't listen to those people, even people that are professionals like this attorney. I trusted you to get me out of this, and you literally sucked at your job.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah.

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brittanyracine: Huge for getting taken advantage of, especially, I think, women in general, we feel taken advantage of a lot.

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brittanyracine: and I mean I have such a huge history of that that I was just like, alright. It ends now. I've had enough.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah. And I love that you

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Lindsay Ford: I love how you just

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Lindsay Ford: shared those insights there with like learning to trust yourself learning that

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Lindsay Ford: you could do it on your own that nobody was coming to rescue you, that you are responsible for your own life and your own success, and I think those are such. They seem like such simple statements.

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Lindsay Ford: but there's so many of us that will edit ourselves that will not speak up, especially when we're hiring a professional. We're paying the money. We're seeking their advice. We're in a system that's overwhelming for us in a situation that's overwhelming for us. We're deferring to someone else.

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Lindsay Ford: But we are still responsible in that situation for our own experiences and our own

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Lindsay Ford: like for advocating for ourselves, and nobody else

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Lindsay Ford: is going to do that. Nobody's coming to rescue you, and

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Lindsay Ford: I feel like

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Lindsay Ford: when some people hear that that feels very disempowering. But for me, like once I started really shifting and understanding that. No, this is all my responsibility, and I'm capable of asking questions, even if I look stupid, even if I'm like.

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Lindsay Ford: you know spending you, you know. I'll just give an example of like at the doctor's office.

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Lindsay Ford: you know, we have, like usually 10 min appointments, and I'm the one that's like, okay, you need to explain this to me, or I don't agree with what you're saying. I'm gonna ask this. I want to understand this. Okay? No, like. I still don't like, and just

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Lindsay Ford: being willing to.

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Lindsay Ford: I guess. Trust the voice inside of your head. Trust your intuition, trust the questions that you're going to ask

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Lindsay Ford: or that you are capable of figuring it out, even when you don't understand something complicated.

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Lindsay Ford: So I think it's just

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Lindsay Ford: what a I mean, it's it's too bad that we need these like really big experiences sometimes to

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Lindsay Ford: to learn those hard lessons. But they're such a valuable lessons. So why don't you? I'd love for you to share.

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Lindsay Ford: You know how you have journeyed to where you are now, because you, I'm guessing, have a very different reality now compared to a few years ago. So why don't you take us through that? Once you started to

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Lindsay Ford: understand those lessons and it and it might have been

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Lindsay Ford: years later, or like I don't know, you know, when you had those realizations compared to when you started walking forward. But once you started to.

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Lindsay Ford: I guess. Take responsibility, and you know, realize that your success was dependent on you.

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Lindsay Ford: yeah. Can you just walk us through that that next part of your journey?

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brittanyracine: Yeah, I mean, it definitely was a huge shift for me. Because it is. It is, I guess.

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brittanyracine: depowering. What word did you use.

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Lindsay Ford: Disempowering.

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brittanyracine: Just empowering to realize, like nobody's coming to help me. Nobody is going to save me, and if nobody saves me or helps me, then nobody's helping my kids. So they're solely responsible for my. Whatever happens to me is happening to them. If I don't create a safety net for me like we don't have one.

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brittanyracine: because nobody's gonna come save them. So if I fall, we all fall. So I had to really

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brittanyracine: dive into that. It was kind of a weird.

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brittanyracine: I guess, like rewind in my head. Of all the things I have been through my whole life like not even just though the divorce and the business and everything of being like.

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brittanyracine: I'm actually so strong like I am, way stronger than these people that I'm hiring that are telling me how good they are at something like.

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Lindsay Ford: Right.

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brittanyracine: There's no way that you work harder than me, or at getting through stuff like this. Because and that was a huge shift for me because I'm like, I know there's I'm not like saying people don't go through way harder things, but a lot of people don't get through those things

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brittanyracine: and and come out on the other side. So for me it was like realizing my own strength and my own power was like

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brittanyracine: I got through that.

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brittanyracine: There's not like I don't know what else could be much worse. At least, that's in my realm of life that it's.

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Lindsay Ford: Right.

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brittanyracine: Remotely on the surface. Do you know what I mean? So I'm like, okay, even my bad day. Now, even if I have a crazy, busy week that I is super overwhelming.

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brittanyracine: I have so much experience with being miserably overwhelmed that

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brittanyracine: this this shouldn't even be that hard. I can get through that like any like after being burned so bad and just like exhausted and ripped apart on every level like I had to completely start my life. I had to like liquidate everything I had to get out. So it was like.

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brittanyracine: I'm starting over which sucks. It's not what I where I wanted to be yet. What was I like? 31

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brittanyracine: but that's where I'm at. And right now, going forward is whatever I'm gonna make it be. And if I don't like the way that someone's treating me, and I don't like the outcome that somebody tells me I'm gonna get.

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brittanyracine: Then I'm not doing that.

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brittanyracine: I don't have to do something a way that somebody's suggesting that I do, just because that's how they do it. I mean, obviously, there's certain things like health things, or, you know, court things that are completely out of our control. But a lot of things that we think are out of our control. We still have a little bit of control of. And the one thing that we always have control of is our actions, and how and what we do in every circumstance. So

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brittanyracine: I I actually like that because I can't rely on somebody else to do what I'm asking them to do. I'll just do it myself, because I know I'll do it.

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brittanyracine: So I think that was a huge shift for me. And really

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brittanyracine: the past, like I want to say, last year I started kind of digging into it, but I was very, you know, tiptoeing a little bit, just seeing what was going on with it. And is this where I'm supposed to be right, and then I really dug into it. Earlier this year I started one of my goals for the year was to read one book a month throughout the year.

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brittanyracine: and

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brittanyracine: I like to the audio books because a lot of times I'm in the car for work, or I'm running around. So I like an audio book while I'm doing all these things. And I started the year off with one that was on like mindset, and that

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brittanyracine: really shifted a lot for me and kind of snowballed into a lot of other books. So I've learned so much now about it that I'm like.

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brittanyracine: this is actually way better like, am I tired and overwhelmed sometimes? Yes, like is my does my brain hurt from how much I'm doing? Yes, but

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brittanyracine: I'm doing it for myself, and I'm doing it for my kids. And it's working. And it's still not nearly as hard as a lot of the other stuff. I've had to do so. That makes it a lot easier to be like the things I'm working so hard for that are tiring me, and, like some sometimes stressful, are at least for positive outcomes now.

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brittanyracine: so that makes it easier for me to definitely push myself to get through it.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah. Just reflecting on something you just said, where you're feeling

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Lindsay Ford: I can't remember your exact wording. But basically this idea of you know, you feel like you don't have control, but you can control your actions and some a lot of the things that you feel. You

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Lindsay Ford: don't have control and are the rules that you have to follow

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Lindsay Ford: aren't necessarily

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Lindsay Ford: well. I just go back to what you shared earlier with the business where you just started breaking rules like, I imagine you thought those were things that you couldn't change initially. And then you just started breaking them.

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Lindsay Ford: And

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Lindsay Ford: and because they didn't make sense to you because you were. You saw.

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brittanyracine: Break them to get out alive. I was like, this is the only way out. So I'm getting fined. I'm getting fined. But I'm not. Gonna I felt like I was just carrying around a dead body every day. And I was like, Can I just bury this thing and move on? Because I'm just like dragging it everywhere I go. And it was every day.

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brittanyracine: So yeah, that was, I was just finally like, I I have to.

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brittanyracine: This is never gonna work out. Well, so just end the bleeding.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, but I think it really speaks to

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Lindsay Ford: you taking matters into your own hands, and you just deciding that. Yes, like you, you were going to just move forward. However, you were going to move forward, and to hell with the rules like for some of them, because they didn't make sense to you because you were. I mean you were in survival mode. That's kind of an extreme

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Lindsay Ford: example or situation.

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Lindsay Ford: but I think so many of us are limited by these rules in our mind that we believe we can't do something, or that it has to be done a certain way, or the advice we're getting from. Experts are telling us to do it one way, and we have ideas about how to do it differently. And

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Lindsay Ford: I think you know. The point I'm trying to make is we don't always have to follow those rules. And really like with with your business example.

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Lindsay Ford: you were okay. Letting go of those rules and breaking those rules because

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Lindsay Ford: you didn't care about the outcome anymore.

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Lindsay Ford: And I think you know where we get stuck. Where we're trying to like follow the rules sometimes is when we

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Lindsay Ford: we care about an outcome, and when we care, or we're attached to a specific outcome or a certain way of doing things, or whether that and it could be just like pleasing the people whose rules like we're following. Like, I just, I'm thinking, like my kids in school like it's all like people. Pleasing, obedience, obedience, obedience.

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Lindsay Ford: I lost my train of thought completely. There.

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brittanyracine: Following the rules that people

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brittanyracine: give us school roles.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, following the rules,

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brittanyracine: People give us rules, and we think we have to follow them.

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Lindsay Ford: We think we? Yeah, we think we think we have to follow them. But we

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Lindsay Ford: we don't

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Lindsay Ford: like we don't have those don't have to be our rules. They don't have to be our

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Lindsay Ford: our script. We can. We can deviate from script when we can let go of that attachment to outcome when we don't have to worry as much about the consequences or about it working out one way over another way. Then

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Lindsay Ford: I guess new solutions start to open up

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Lindsay Ford: for us.

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Lindsay Ford: and we can let go.

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brittanyracine: So sorry. I think we're so conditioned also in as society to just follow the rules like. Oh, well, this is how she likes me to do it. So I'll do it this way, like, in college. Okay, well, I have to write my paper this way, or I have to answer this question this way, because this is what this professor

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brittanyracine: prefers. Yeah, I do it. But it's like, in a lot of in a lot of business stuff, too. It's like, well, obviously, I have some freedom because I'm a real estate agent. So I really, I have a broker. But they're not really involved. I kind of can do whatever. But

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brittanyracine: if you don't like the way they do it, and you want to do it a certain way, you can always ask.

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brittanyracine: or you can. You can try to do it a different way. I mean, obviously obviously depends in

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brittanyracine: the circumstance. But I think we're so trained to do everything the same way that we're told to do. And there's all these unwritten rules that are like cemented in us, and we don't even realize that. Wait! Why am I doing this this way.

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brittanyracine: or why am I feeling this way about whatever it is? Because we're trained to.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, I think you're right about the. There's so many unwritten rules. And they're just like these little thoughts or little beliefs, or these little. Yeah, this this way of one way of doing things that maybe you learn from your mom who learned from her mom. And you never questioned it.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, there's there's so many of these little unwritten rules. And when we can really step back and

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Lindsay Ford: check in with how we want to do things that intuition that you said that voice in your in your head? And we can just start to

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Lindsay Ford: make up our own rules. But we can also, you know when we're kind of in the position of following the rules.

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Lindsay Ford: people pleasing?

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Lindsay Ford: you know, putting other people's opinions above our own.

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Lindsay Ford: and feeling like.

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Lindsay Ford: I guess that that weight of the world, but like there's a victim mentality that comes with that. And when you can start to say like, No, I'm actually going to

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Lindsay Ford: make my own rules. This isn't working for me. I'm going to do this. Instead, I'm going to trust my intuition over what the experts are telling me no one's coming to rescue you. I'm here to like rescue myself.

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Lindsay Ford: It it's a shift from this like helpless victim to really an empowered, I guess I'll say, Hero, just for the contrast. But like you're, you're really

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Lindsay Ford: then solution oriented your goal. Oriented.

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Lindsay Ford: it. When things happen to you.

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Lindsay Ford: there's a different mindset. I think that happens when you're just like, oh, this person might be throwing their shit at me, but I'm not going to

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Lindsay Ford: feel taken down by it, or like it. Might, you know, might it might hurt.

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brittanyracine: My behavior, or what? How, what I think I need to do in this moment for somebody else's opinion. But I did that for so long.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah.

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brittanyracine: I think it's hard to really break that. But

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brittanyracine: I mean, and even in my family like not, I'm the 1st person in my whole family to get divorced

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brittanyracine: like I had to tell them all. Hey, I'm getting divorced like that was

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brittanyracine: really hard for a lot of people to hear.

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brittanyracine: but I mean, in a sense, I've now disappointed so many people with not following the rules that it doesn't really bother me anymore to not follow them. But I never thought in a million years that I would actually feel that way. But it's like it's it's having to like kind of take a step back and realize.

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brittanyracine: Is this what I like? Is this, what I want is this, what do I like? How I feel with this

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brittanyracine: solution, or with this advice or the way that I'm doing something or do I not? And if I don't, then I'm not doing it.

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brittanyracine: and I'm not saying it to be like. I don't like you, or I'm trying to disappoint you. I'm just not doing it that way.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, I love that. You just said I've disappointed so many people. I don't care anymore. And I because I think

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Lindsay Ford: you know, that's that's how you break out of people pleasing like you can't. You can't

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Lindsay Ford: not disappoint people, even if you're trying to guess and anticipate their needs.

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Lindsay Ford: You're still going to miss the mark.

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Lindsay Ford: Sometimes you're still.

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brittanyracine: They're gonna somebody else is gonna be upset with it. So I just was like, whatever everybody can be mad at me. Everybody can be disappointed in me. I have to survive right now, and your opinions are not going to get me there.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah. So why don't like what was that like when you were in the midst of the divorce? And you were disappointing people with that, or even I don't know what your feelings were around the business. Just, you know.

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Lindsay Ford: a failing and crumbling like.

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Lindsay Ford: What were your how did you move through. You know that disappointment, that failure, because.

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Lindsay Ford: I imagine, like you seem very I mean, I know you were in survival mode, and I know you wanted to get rid of that business, but there was a lot coming crashing down all at once.

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Lindsay Ford: and I imagine that brought brought up some stuff. So what?

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Lindsay Ford: What was going on inside of you in terms of the failure, the disappointment, maybe even the self-worth piece, as you were

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Lindsay Ford: going through all of that, that those big things in your life crumbling.

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brittanyracine: I mean, I think I knew that my what my intentions were. So it wasn't. I wasn't beating myself up inside for

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brittanyracine: things not working out and things failing and things crumbling.

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brittanyracine: That wasn't

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brittanyracine: really.

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brittanyracine: I mean, obviously, it's embarrassing, because everybody knows what's going on, and everybody's wondering what's going on, and everybody's talking about it. But they're not really. They don't even know what they're talking about, because they're talking on assumptions or through the grapevine like things that I would hear that I'm like.

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brittanyracine: who is saying this, or even believing this? But

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brittanyracine: I had so many bigger problems that I couldn't even like think about them and really let them soak in

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brittanyracine: cause I was trying to survive. But I think I didn't really beat myself up on it because I was trying. I wasn't just.

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brittanyracine: I was. I was trying to get out alive. I was trying to do the right thing for my kids. I was trying. I wasn't trying to screw anybody over like there was nothing, no part of me that was

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brittanyracine: doing something

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brittanyracine: against someone else like I was doing what I thought was the right thing for everyone, which, if I would have just focused on myself and the kids, it probably would have been easier. But I was trying to really not ruffle feathers.

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brittanyracine: and I think that it was. It was harder for me to be judged and treated

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brittanyracine: the way that I was while I was going through this than what I was telling myself.

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brittanyracine: If that makes sense like I I was like, why

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brittanyracine: is nobody having compassion? Or

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brittanyracine: and I mean like I I had like, like, you know, my cousin, my sister-in-law, like I had some people that were support like they. What are they gonna do? They can't do anything.

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brittanyracine: I mean. They understood from my standpoint, they'd let me vent them, but like they can't fix anything

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brittanyracine: so. But I think the harder it was for me was to just

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brittanyracine: be ripped apart by a lot of people that were close to me during this time like that was hard, because I didn't want to lose any relationships that I cared about because I was going through hell.

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brittanyracine: which when I look at, I'm like, if somebody's gonna do treat me like that when I'm going through hell like

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brittanyracine: that's not someone that I need in my life, which was hard because a lot of those people I did want in my life still.

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brittanyracine: And so that was really the harshest reality was to

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brittanyracine: say goodbye to a lot of I mean, not like a formal goodbye, but to like.

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Lindsay Ford: Right.

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brittanyracine: Oh, of a lot

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brittanyracine: of things that I really didn't want to let go from.

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brittanyracine: That was hurtful

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brittanyracine: for me.

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brittanyracine: But

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brittanyracine: I mean I knew that my intentions were not to hurt other people and to screw other people over financially, or whatever it was like. That was never my intention, and I was actually showing with my actions that I was not doing that. So

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brittanyracine: I mean, I think I could sleep better with myself at night, knowing that

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brittanyracine: I wasn't doing that, but I mean it sucked to have to deal with everybody's response and judgment and

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brittanyracine: treatment for

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brittanyracine: what I'm going through, not what I'm doing to them or not, how what they're. You know how they feel about it. So that was definitely the hardest thing, I think.

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Lindsay Ford: Did you ever second guess yourself along that journey.

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brittanyracine: In which.

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Lindsay Ford: Like in terms of like it's like from from what you're sharing like, it sounds like you were holding yourself in integrity. You were clear on your intentions. And then people were judging you for what you were going through. Was there ever any, I guess?

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Lindsay Ford: Wobbling in your

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Lindsay Ford: yeah, the way you are the way you handled it, or your decision making, I know for me, like second guessing has been a pattern with me that I'm mostly over. But just when other people share opinions, just like, Okay, is that true? How true is that? And sometimes you can get in your head. I'm just curious if you had any any of that, as people were judging you really harshly for something that in large part was out of your control.

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brittanyracine: I don't think it really made me believe what they said.

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brittanyracine: but

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brittanyracine: I mean I think it was because I was working so hard like I was. It wasn't like I was just sitting back being like, oh, I could have done that, I guess, like I was doing everything I could do so. There was no

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brittanyracine: oh, maybe she is right. I'm not trying hard enough, or maybe, like there, there was no way to do any more than I was doing. So I didn't really. I didn't really second guess

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brittanyracine: myself, cause I think, kind of like the years prior to this. I really kind of

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brittanyracine: was going through.

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brittanyracine: I mean, it wasn't super strong like now, where I'm doing it like every day, and I have so much going on. But I would go to like like I would take my kids to like the moms of preschoolers, and we would do like, you know, like at the church and stuff. So I had been doing different things to kind of strengthen myself.

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brittanyracine: and like in who I was before all of this. And then, when this bomb blew up. It was like, at least I'm like standing still. So I think I really needed that foundation before going through this, or I, for sure, would have probably had an identity crisis and all these other things, but I never really second. I mean, I definitely second, guessed some of the ways that I did things like. Oh, I probably should have just done it this way, instead of trying to, you know, work around everybody's feelings and

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brittanyracine: worry about everybody else, I should have just ripped off the Bandaid and done it this way, like I definitely second guessed things like that. But I never really second guessed

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brittanyracine: my worth, or like

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brittanyracine: my own self. I just

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brittanyracine: was honestly shocked at how

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brittanyracine: horrible

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brittanyracine: people were willing to manipulate and just

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brittanyracine: make me look like the worst person alive and believe it.

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brittanyracine: And like same in the court system, it's like, How do they like? How are these rules?

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brittanyracine: Justice? But it was. It was a big justice calling for me like there is so many unjust things, whether it's people's opinions, the court system, whatever it is. That was a huge like. I really did not expect it. I did not expect to be

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brittanyracine: treated the way that I was treated and ripped apart, and judged and manipulated, and completely lied about on so many levels that it was like that was really hard. So that was the only thing that I really second guessed was, how are the how are other people

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brittanyracine: thinking this way?

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brittanyracine: That was what was really confusing to me.

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Lindsay Ford: Right, and that that's confusing to me, too, when I hear that. And you know the conversations I've been having this last week with a few different friends.

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Lindsay Ford: A lot of them are dealing with this.

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Lindsay Ford: this manipulation, this bad mouth thing, these lies that they're just like, how like, what am I supposed to do this? This is just a lie that people are believing and just like.

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Lindsay Ford: like, what would be your advice to somebody in that situation right now, just like whether it's like mental, emotional, or or like. What would you tell someone who's going through that right now? Who's just

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Lindsay Ford: in it, being judged.

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brittanyracine: It's actually I actually enjoy being judged. Now.

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Lindsay Ford: Okay.

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brittanyracine: It's been a big shift. I think that being judged actually is almost

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brittanyracine: them telling you how powerful you actually are.

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Lindsay Ford: Hmm.

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brittanyracine: Because I could care less what some random person that is going through something like if I'm not involved in their situation like cool. I don't know what they're going through. It's not my place to

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brittanyracine: even like. Why would I tear down someone I don't even know, or if like, why would I even get involved in that?

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brittanyracine: I wouldn't treat someone like Crap that I didn't treat me like crap. Do you know what I'm saying? So it's like. Now, when I see people judging and being super worked up and opinionated about things that don't even have anything to do with them.

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brittanyracine: All that means to me is they're bored and miserable, 1st of all to have, because I don't have time to do that. I want to spend my time building what I'm building and enjoying my life, not tearing down somebody for some story that I don't even know is true. So all that says to me now is, that person is completely bored in their lives.

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brittanyracine: and probably insecure because they don't realize what they're doing is totally pointless, and it's almost empowering to me to be like.

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brittanyracine: I must be ruffling enough feathers with whatever I'm doing that you care about it this much.

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brittanyracine: And again, my intentions are not

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brittanyracine: wrong, so it's not. My intentions are not ill, so it's not like you're. I'm ruffling somebody's feathers because I treated somebody like crap, and they thought I was a bad person like, I'm ruffling your feathers because I'm doing something that you can't do.

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brittanyracine: or that you you're judging because you're miserable, or it's half the time it's something they probably wish they were strong enough to do.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah. Sometimes it's just like they're judging you.

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Lindsay Ford: because.

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Lindsay Ford: like, you're just existing, you're just like you're shining bright. You're you're stepping into

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Lindsay Ford: I'll say that empowered that empowered state, and it is bringing up something in them like it. It has nothing to do with you, but it's it's really interesting. How like you said people's feathers get ruffled when

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Lindsay Ford: it really has nothing to do with them.

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Lindsay Ford: So that's that's amazing. One last question before we wrap up. I'm curious to know how your mindset has shifted over the last little while you said you were reading books, and they've been impactful for you like what are like one or 2 shifts that have made a world of difference for you.

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brittanyracine: I think manifesting was one of my goals this year, I literally wrote, learn how to manifest, because I'm like I don't even know what that is. What is that? And that has been

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brittanyracine: huge for me to just stay focused.

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brittanyracine: So I think in some of the books that I started reading were about manifesting, but that kind of shifted into a lot of the mindset stuff. So I think one of the biggest takeaways that I got from the mindset shifts, I guess, was.

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brittanyracine: how do I want to feel about myself?

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brittanyracine: And if I don't, I can figure out how to do that, so I can either read a book about it? I can, you know.

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brittanyracine: listen to podcasts about it. I can implement whatever it is. There's like workbooks about it. Like you. There's so many things you can do to teach yourself to be and feel. However, it is that you want to feel so. There's that's been huge for me. And same with just learning, like, I feel like we think, okay, we go to school, we go to college. We're done learning.

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brittanyracine: And then you, you know, you start your job and you learn whatever your job is. And then you stop learning

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brittanyracine: like there's so many things you can learn that are not necessarily

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brittanyracine: a skill or a subject, but learn and teach yourself to do, whether it's how you feel or whether it's your routine, or, you know, breaking patterns that you don't want to do anymore. It's like, Oh, well, I can't do that, because that's just not me, or I can't do that because I'm just not that. That's just not how I am. Well, then, make yourself that it's like there's so much opportunity. And we're so

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brittanyracine: like all of our decision making is backed by fear instead of by opportunity. And it's a possibility. And it's like we don't realize that. Oh, if something looks impossible, it's probably impossible, for where you are now, but you can get there. You just have to choose to get there and take action to get there, whether it's learning, whatever it is changing. You know your routine, changing your

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brittanyracine: audience, changing your who you surround surround yourself with, whether it's friends, relationships, whatever it is.

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brittanyracine: There's definitely lots of steps that will get you there. You just have to figure out how to get there, but you can. And I think that was a huge thing that helped me back was, I just thought, this is what I'm good at, and this is what I do. And

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brittanyracine: this is what isn't. This is what my possibilities are in life instead of oh, I want to do that, even though I have no experience in that. I have no idea what I'm doing with that. Okay, I'm gonna figure it out. And then, do, just you know, hit the ground running.

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Lindsay Ford: Amazing. I think that's the perfect way to end. Where can people find you, Britney?

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brittanyracine: So I'm on Instagram at Brittanyracine underscore. And then I'm also on Facebook, just at Britney, Racine.

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Lindsay Ford: Amazing. Thank you so much for being here. I've really enjoyed your con or this conversation today.

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brittanyracine: Thanks for having me.