Episode 57 - DeDee Cai: A Candid Conversation About Self Worth

Your self worth IS your net worth.

We think that the more we do, the more “successful” we’ll be, the more money we’ll make, or the more happy we’ll be.

But that’s not true.

Our self-worth is actually a BIG determining factor.

As a Vietnamese immigrant, DeDee Cai was living the American dream – working hard and owning a business. But after the painful realization that something had to change, she started to tune into what she wanted and walked away from the script that was given to her.

This episode is filled with so many nuggets of wisdom and is for anyone who knows they’re meant for more.

More about DeDee👇

Dedee Cai, founder and a performance coach of FIT TO PROFIT, a company that utilizes psychology, cognitive science, holistic wellness to help entrepreneurs get holistically fit to attain peak level of performance in their life and businesses.

She believes that your self-worth is your net worth, and she’s on a mission to empower women to live up to their own potential unapologetically while changing the world.

Connect with DeDee Cai👇

Website: http://www.fittoprofit.com

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Overcomer-Conquer-Your-Achieve-Goals/dp/B0CCXPGD2C/ref=sr_1_1?crid=31VKEQHCSW7XJ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.j7x4LT49_Y3BXa0jKexwK_q5idENAPGCl9DcerTk55o.bfVMVhW_dIJP17a7x5PN1aY91KUyfZ5rRANlezZcERo&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+overcomer+dedee+cai&qid=1721231738&sprefix=the+overcomer+dedee+cai%2Caps%2C102&sr=8-1

Facebook Profile: https://www.facebook.com/dedee.cai
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fittoprofit

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dedeecai/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dedeecai/

If you want to break free from the 9 to 5 or spend more time with your family, then check out this FREE webinar that goes over exactly what I'm doing to create time and financial freedom.
https://www.breakingfreewithlindsay.com/learn

If you ever have any questions or want to reach out - I'd love to connect with you. Send me a DM on Facebook (it's the best way to reach me!)

Transcript

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Lindsay Ford: Well welcome to Dee dee Kai. She is the founder and performance coach of fit to profit, welcome to the podcast Dee Dee.

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DeDee Cai: Oh, my goodness, thank you so much, Lindsay, for having me, and on behalf of all the listeners.

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DeDee Cai: Thank you for having this platform, so we can share our stories. And also hopefully, we can inspire at least one person right to have the conversation with us and to really get real with what's possible in their lives today. So thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

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Lindsay Ford: Me, too. I can already tell from just like when, before we hit record, we're gonna have a great chat. Today, you have a fun, work, story, or like work, progression, transition. But one of the things that really stood out to me is

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Lindsay Ford: this idea of self-worth? And I just want to read, you know, quotes from you, your self worth is not, or sorry. Is your net worth your self? Worth? Is your net worth, and you also said, no matter how hard I work, the results didn't always align with my efforts, and I would love for you to walk us through

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Lindsay Ford: your story related to your businesses and

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Lindsay Ford: and and your story related to self-worth.

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DeDee Cai: Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much. I'll respect our time because I can go on for days. But essentially I am a 1st generation immigrant. I had a plan that is already set out for me to follow all the steps, and I did that. I went to school. I did really. Well, I started working really young, and I was taught to save all of the things.

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DeDee Cai: When I graduated college I landed my very 1st corporate job, which I anticipated this whole entire time when I was in school, since, like I was in grade school all the way through was this place of complete? I guess

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DeDee Cai: miracles and ecstasy, and rainbows and unicorns, and I landed myself the 1st job, and I found myself in a cubicle

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DeDee Cai: which is very different than what I had envisioned, and so it was very short lived honestly. It was like 6 months a minute I entered. I was already thinking about the exit plan, so I was fortunate enough to get support from my parents, and said, You know I don't think this is for me. I'm very active. I love people.

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DeDee Cai: and if you have to put me in a 4 walls, I think that's I'd rather go to prison. So

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DeDee Cai: right around the same time I had the opportunity also to, instead of, I guess, going back to school and going to medical school, my mom was going through a divorce with my dad and had an opportunity for me to become a business partner with her, to open her ultimate restaurant, which is her dream. She is an amazing and incredible chef.

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DeDee Cai: So I jumped on the opportunity, and also being the only child as well, and I was the golden child. So I did everything right. So that means including being my business in business with my mom as a business partner. So I jumped on the opportunity. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

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DeDee Cai: I was in my twenties, had no business experience whatsoever. Not only that I resisted business for my whole entire life up until that point, because I wanted to help people. I always knew when I was. I guess age, I think 8 or 7. I knew that I wanted to help people, but I didn't know how I wanted to help people.

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DeDee Cai: so I stayed away from anything that had to do with money, business, etc. But that was an opportunity for me to get away from having to go back to working corporate. So I said, Yes, let's do that. And I also knew then that a lot of people, especially 1st generation immigrant always want to build an American dream. So ultimately opening a business of your own is the American dream right?

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DeDee Cai: Most everyone, not including, you know, immigrants. So I did jumped on the opportunity. It was the most incredible experience up until this point in terms of what I needed to learn about everything that has to do with business and life. Okay, we were that famous hole in the wall. Everyone knew I knew every single person that came through that door or called on the phone. I knew

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DeDee Cai: we were like, literally the community and so.

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DeDee Cai: as you can only imagine when you are the owner of the restaurant. You did everything, I mean. I was head of operations. I was head of marketing. I was head of recruitment. I was you name it. There were days where I'm like hiring and and training people, and other days when I'm climbing the roof, making sure that the technician is doing what he's supposed to be doing, and other days I'm cleaning the toilet. So it was a raise of different things that I got to

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DeDee Cai: do, which I learned so much from when it comes to hard work. Oh, boy, do I know the definition of hard work? And I have to say the moment when I realized that

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DeDee Cai: it wasn't. I'm not designed for for that, for this type of work was I actually was in Venice, Italy, with my boyfriend, my husband. Now we were in the most beautiful cafe, and we were waiting for our drinks. It was sprinkling outside. It was, you know, Hallmark movie Perfect moments.

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DeDee Cai: But I couldn't concentrate on conversation. I couldn't be present. And what I was staring at was my phone waiting for someone to call as if something was going to happen. A shoe was going to drop the the restaurant is gonna get caught on fire. So that was the moment where I looked up at him, I said, you know what I don't know about this thing, because that also was the end of our 1st term, which is the 1st 5 years. So we had an option to opt for another lease, and or, you know, do whatever we want. So

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DeDee Cai: I came back and realized, you know, I brush up finally the courage to tell my mom that I we I didn't want to extend the lease, and I didn't want to do the restaurant business anymore.

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DeDee Cai: And so long story short, there. And we moved on, and it was me opening up to other opportunities. And I was. But then there was parts of me inside that felt like I was a failure, too, you know, like, Oh, my gosh! You know I did all this thing. I failed at corporate. And now this restaurant. I failed again, you know, twice in a row, and I really started beating myself up, and really also by then physically burnt out

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DeDee Cai: and emotionally burnt out. I was dating my boyfriend. I never saw him, and you know, etc, and so but finally everything started happening, and he proposed. We were getting married. Our week of the wedding was an incredible time.

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DeDee Cai: and also that was also a pivotal moment, and which transformed my whole entire life was that I also. That's the same time, 10 days before our wedding we got the dreaded call that my best friend committed suicide.

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DeDee Cai: It was July 4th when we buried her, and our wedding was July 7, th and she was supposed to be part of the wedding party.

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DeDee Cai: so tragedy always has its way of really waking. You know you up right to reality. And she was actually suffering from depression and anxiety.

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DeDee Cai: which also reminded me that I was suffering from the same, but in silence.

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DeDee Cai: Now this is related to your question, and why I submitted my application to have this conversation is because I did everything up into that point for someone else. Right? I did. I followed my parents plan for me to get the corporate job. I followed my parents plan to open the restaurant and bless their hearts right like they wanted to create opportunities for me. I know they loved me. That's why they wanted to, you know. Give me these plans hopefully to make it easier for my life.

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DeDee Cai: But unfortunately, that wasn't my plan right like that's not what I really wanted to do, and, as you can see, I did everything.

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DeDee Cai: but on my effort didn't pan out. I was burned out. I was depressed. I was now losing my best friend to this thing. That was the wake-up call.

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DeDee Cai: It was a matter of life and death, right? Because I had my dark moments, too. I didn't understand what it was until I experienced losing her and really understanding what the pressure anxiety, you know, felt like, and looks like, and and things like that. And so I vowed, basically to myself that no one ever has to go through that

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DeDee Cai: experience. And then also, that's also the moment where I knew

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DeDee Cai: there's space for this, like I know with my experience, if I were to put myself through the work.

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DeDee Cai: I feel like I can help teach other people how to how to prevent that, how to, you know, prevent from getting burnt out, and how to really not do all of the things that were expected of them. Just so at the end. You have nothing to feel fulfilled about, and that's how burnt out depression, anxiety, and all of things happen.

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DeDee Cai: You know what I mean, I just wasn't born. I'm a happy person in general. But how did I end up there? It's because of whatever happened in terms of what I thought I needed to do to find happiness

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DeDee Cai: right? And so

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DeDee Cai: honestly, that's how fit to profit was born from me, working on myself, wanting to really heal myself physically, 1st mentally, emotionally, and then lastly, spiritually and really answering that calling. And truly, that's how I found my purpose I did mention. I want to go to medical school to be really a therapist, because I want to help people. And when I discovered the coaching industry, so everything came full circle.

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DeDee Cai: It's like therapy, but so much better right like I don't have to spend all this time for coaching, I mean for schooling and all of the things, and here I am getting to help people live happier, happier, and more fulfilling lives

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DeDee Cai: so, and ultimately, through my journey to what I realized the reason why I didn't speak up, or I didn't explore other opportunities.

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DeDee Cai: I didn't look for other options. Well, first, st because there was a lot of trust, and I was raised the way I was raised, but, secondly, I didn't feel worthy enough to speak up for myself.

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DeDee Cai: You know I didn't feel worthy enough to have you know successful job or business. So therefore it was. It was really interesting how the things I did was not ever for myself to take care of myself. Take care of my needs, but for everyone else.

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DeDee Cai: And so

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DeDee Cai: that's what I want to talk about is a lot of times when you think that you're doing something, and it's really not. Are you really doing it for yourself, or are you really doing it for validation and acceptance, right like from society, from your family from whatever it may be, because if you're not really doing it innately and also unconditionally for yourself.

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DeDee Cai: it's it's just never a right path for you.

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DeDee Cai: And honestly, that's that's how my story has started. And this is where I am today to ultimately, really talking about until I really tie everything in. I'm not living my own definition of success right now, which is only working less than 20 HA week. I so am involved in my kids school, and I have time for myself, I mean, everything is incredible, because I finally

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DeDee Cai: starting to know that I need to love myself first.st

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DeDee Cai: And honestly, this this is why we're having this conversation today. And I wanted to share this story on that purpose was that you know. I did everything wrong to, you know, to learn what I need to learn to be in front of you today to talk about this. So.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, and I think.

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DeDee Cai: Bus stop

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DeDee Cai: story and my answer for you really long.

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Lindsay Ford: No, that's perfect. I think what you shared. I think a lot of people resonate, I know for me, you know. I

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Lindsay Ford: I also followed the script, and I think so many of us follow the script because we don't really think about

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Lindsay Ford: what we want. We're not really taught to do that, you know, I look at even my kids in school right now, and they're really just conditioned to obey rules, to follow the crowd, to look, to see what everyone else is doing. Just go along, go along, and unless you have.

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Lindsay Ford: I guess, a different upbringing.

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Lindsay Ford: I think it's just natural to follow that script, and I know for me. It was, you know. Go to school, go to university, get a good job for me. It was like, Get a good government job with a pension and work your way up. And so I did so for me like my wake up wasn't until

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Lindsay Ford: I sort of hit the top of the ladder around age 30,

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Lindsay Ford: and I remember I got promoted. I had been focusing on that, for, like the majority of my twenties up up. Just keep going up, and I remember my very 1st day in my new position in charge of you know my department, and I was like.

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Lindsay Ford: just walked into my chair. I'm like, is this really the rest of my life? And I kind of just went into like this. I won't even say downward spiral, but I was just like, Oh, like, what like? What did I just do? And it took me years to

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Lindsay Ford: unravel.

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Lindsay Ford: You know the fact that I was living my dad's dream and not my own, and what was my own, and I didn't even know what that looked like. And it's taken me. I mean, I feel like it's still a work in progress, but it's

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Lindsay Ford: it. It's taken a lot. So I think I think you know this is not the 1st story I've heard like this. So many of us.

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Lindsay Ford: Just sort of do what we're told.

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Lindsay Ford: and don't really think about it until we have

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Lindsay Ford: You know that. Aha moment. Sometimes it's a really big wake-up call in terms of a health issue. So like your your friend's suicide was like a catalyst for you to change, and

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Lindsay Ford: you know, oftentimes we need.

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Lindsay Ford: and I hate to say it. But we need these bigger wake up calls because we're not paying attention to all the little signs that are like nagging us the whole time that we can just kind of, you know, plow through and and ignore and brush off.

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Lindsay Ford: I'm curious about, you know you said

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Lindsay Ford: sort of when you were in Venice, or I think you said Venice. Italy? Yeah, you were.

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Lindsay Ford: You realize you were not designed for this hard work, lifestyle, this like work, work, work, lifestyle. And

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Lindsay Ford: I think that's a really hard thing

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Lindsay Ford: for us to admit to ourselves is that

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Lindsay Ford: we're maybe not designed for it, nor do we want it. And what's wrong with it. Then it comes like what's wrong with us for not wanting. We should be able to handle it like there's so much conditioning that we should be able to handle it that we need to work hard for money, that, you know, time is money. All of these stories.

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Lindsay Ford: I'm curious

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Lindsay Ford: to know how you just sort of worked through some of those layers of

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Lindsay Ford: It just has some of those beliefs, because you were really just confronted with some limit, like all of those things that I just said are, they're all limiting beliefs in terms of you know, you'd have to work hard for your money, or you're a failure if you're not working, you know, 40 HA week, or whatever it is, or if you can't handle it or don't want it, how did you start to

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Lindsay Ford: work through some of that stuff like what shifted. What started to shift in you.

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DeDee Cai: Yeah. So I love the question. And I love how?

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DeDee Cai: Attentively listening like your your like active listening skills is right on is

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DeDee Cai: you know how we were talking about, just because all of the things that you're putting, like all the hard work you put in does not mean it's going to pan out right well, all of the hours, and working hard, and all of the things I did like. I did it. I did it for 5 years. But then, for what

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DeDee Cai: right it was just to.

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DeDee Cai: you know, have money to pay for the bills, and or have extra to go on vacation, and things like that.

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DeDee Cai: part of me was really nagging and pulling to. Are you really making a difference in others? Life? And yes, indeed, like I had great relationships with people in my community. But for me there was more

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DeDee Cai: to that, you know, like I could do more than that. And then, also, too, because I realized I was so conditioned to work hard before the restaurant. I was already basically trained and conditioned to like work, hard work, hard work, hard like, you know, like and like you said, I have my set of beliefs about what working hard looks like.

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DeDee Cai: and then I have to live it like to actually do it. And I'm like, no, I'm not designed for that, because I'm 1 of those people that loves to use my brain

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DeDee Cai: so much more, you know, if you give me work for like 20 h using my brain, I'm down. I don't even have to sleep, but it's it's like the tedious work that I just wasn't designed to do. And I did it. Anyway, I did it anyway. And also

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DeDee Cai: what I got to to really get clear on. Is that

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DeDee Cai: what the working hard was just really a concept that was taught to me? And there, if that was the case, then where's the value in that hard work like if I could work hard, because, like the simple is, if I could work hard, then I'm going to be happy, or I'm going to make a lot of money.

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DeDee Cai: but

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DeDee Cai: I nor you know I wasn't happy, and I did make a lot of money. So you see how like the evidence didn't didn't match up to to what working hard was supposed to be. So then I started questioning, you know of, okay, is that really true. And then I start doing my research, etc. And things like that. And I realized, Wow, no, it's my own conditioning.

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DeDee Cai: With what? What? Why, life has to be hard, or what I have to work hard to be successful. And that is not true.

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DeDee Cai: you know, when I started digging into that, if that was the case. Teachers, service professionals like cops, and, like, you know, all of those people should get paid millions of dollars. But they don't

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DeDee Cai: right. And so, and then also, like the blue collar, it's also my parents generation. That's how they were taught from generation to generation. That was also my 1st glimpse to wow! I have a lot of generational stuff that I need to work through. And then also, I was raised in Vietnam and moved here in the States when I was 12. So there is some conditioning there that I have to undo.

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DeDee Cai: And then learning that there yes, the American dream. There are so many different ways of doing it. And there are so many options and resources and things like that. So that's also from the tangible standpoint. That's that's what I was thinking, but also, too, I always had this this

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DeDee Cai: urge that I also should be paid for my talents and gifts like like that was a spiritual piece, too, that now I'm like

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DeDee Cai: pretty connected to. That's but that's always something that I always felt that like I was gifted to do something, and I was just always been trying to explore that even when I was in, like, you know, when I was before I was a teenager, and so I was trying to also on a quest of that. So I was looking for ways, and I knew that

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DeDee Cai: if it's not corporate, if it's not restaurant, what is it. What does it have to be? And I always knew that it has to be with, you know, helping people. But I just didn't know how to get there. I didn't have the cues or the clues, you know, to get there. And so yeah, it just honestly like I said, the whole thing has been a personal journey of really learning about myself and realizing, wow! I have all these limiting beliefs. Wow! This is what I'm

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DeDee Cai: my definition of success was drawn out for me. And I realized it's not my definition of success. And then so I have to basically start from scratch and look within and really start, you know, learning about myself.

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DeDee Cai: identifying it for myself. Like you said, I'm still working progress. I feel like there's always that next layer you know of what it is that I want to do. But essentially, it's it's

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DeDee Cai: yeah. It's like a lot of conditioning that or like wiring. I would say, right, we're talking about you know, wiring from the brain, we have to undo right to reset.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah.

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Lindsay Ford: I love how you were kind of able to

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Lindsay Ford: dissect

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Lindsay Ford: what you were looking like. You had this experience from working in corporate. You had this experience owning a business and working in the restaurant world. And

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Lindsay Ford: you know, just from what I'm

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Lindsay Ford: understanding of what you're saying, like you were able to dissect the pieces of it that made sense for you and the pieces of it that didn't. And you know those experiences gave you clarity on things that you didn't want.

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Lindsay Ford: and you were able to then say, you know, like.

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Lindsay Ford: I really want to work with people. I really want to help people. I like using my brain. And I think so many people. You know.

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Lindsay Ford: this is a comment. I hear a lot. I know I meant for something more.

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Lindsay Ford: I don't know what that is, and I've I've experienced that, too, and and I understand it. But when we can start to just

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Lindsay Ford: dissect the pieces of you know what makes you happy? What makes you fulfilled? What, where are your talents and gifts.

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Lindsay Ford: and what can you share with the world rather than looking at it like

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Lindsay Ford: from such a broad perspective of like.

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Lindsay Ford: you know. Let's look at the coaching industry, or like, let's look at the whatever industry it is when you can just start to dissect the pieces of like this is what makes me fulfilled. This is what feels aligned. Then different solutions present

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Lindsay Ford: themselves, and you know I can just even think I can share this example with me going on right now, because right now

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Lindsay Ford: I'm in Canada, I've got rid of my home here

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Lindsay Ford: a couple years ago. I'm staying with my parents right now.

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Lindsay Ford: and that was like a big moment of those failure feelings that self worth stuff. But when I was looking at this scenario there was some practical pieces in terms of like finding a short term lease fully furnished. All of that stuff.

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Lindsay Ford: But what I was looking at also was.

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Lindsay Ford: you know. What pieces of this

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Lindsay Ford: am I resisting?

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Lindsay Ford: It was? I don't want to look like. It's embarrassing to be in your forties and living with your parents. What are people going to think? And I'm like, Okay, that's not a reason to rent a place. And then it was like.

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Lindsay Ford: Okay, I like having my space. Okay, what does that look like? Okay, like having space for me to be with my kids. So I talked to my ex-husband. Are you willing to switch our parenting arrangement right now? And we have a really weird, co-parenting situation because I had them for 6 months this year in Bali. And now it's his turn to have them. And he's like, No, I want them under my roof. I'm like, okay. So I like, even if I get my own place, I won't have them under my roof.

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Lindsay Ford: And then I'm like, okay, the space I'll just rent. What if I rent a coworking space because the other piece of it was like, Okay, I don't want to rent a place

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Lindsay Ford: in a city. I don't really want to be in that. I won't have my kids with me, and there's like this loneliness piece I'm like, how can I troubleshoot this. And so I ended up

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Lindsay Ford: making a decision to stay with my parents and rent this co-working space and do other things.

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Lindsay Ford: But it's just again. It's not like the scenario.

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Lindsay Ford: It wasn't like the overall scenario. I didn't get stuck in the, you know. Should I get my own place or live with my parents and get stuck in that general like really dissecting. I think, you know, when we're looking at, I'll say problems or situations, or sort of bigger life decisions like dissecting the pieces of like where it makes sense for you, and then just leaving leaving the rest.

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Lindsay Ford: I'm curious when you talk about

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Lindsay Ford: one of the things

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Lindsay Ford: you mentioned earlier that I want to go back to is that you didn't feel worthy enough to have a successful business or job.

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Lindsay Ford: Can you? Do you remember saying that? Can you elaborate on? Yeah, can you? Can you elaborate on that? That.

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Lindsay Ford: you know, because

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Lindsay Ford: I think what happens is, you know, we get trapped in the. If we do X, then y will happen. Where does the worthiness piece come in?

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DeDee Cai: So

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DeDee Cai: remember I I my whole entire life up into when I started, you know, working on myself, you know. Most most, I guess, like

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DeDee Cai: I really immersed really, truly, after the restaurant, but honestly, was prior to that, like I, even when I was in my teens, I always had this question of like, Why am I even here? You know what I mean?

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DeDee Cai: And so the worthy piece really comes in. When I really start realizing, I think it has to be. Probably when I started.

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DeDee Cai: and getting into more long distance running and things like that, I found myself always self sabotaging, and when it comes to long distance running. You just have to train, no matter how much you train you have to. It's all about finishing, but to do that you have to train, and I realized there was no following through piece.

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DeDee Cai: And then it was related to me, not feeling

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DeDee Cai: motivated, something that it's just like, Oh, I have to brush up the motivation to do it. No, the motivation does not like appear out thin air. The most motivation usually comes from taking action, but taking action comes from self trust.

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DeDee Cai: But self-trust comes from self love. So it just gets like there's so many different layers that I had to go through to get to that. And when I realized I was sabotaging myself, or you know, I was doing certain things just to keep myself small or things like that. That's when I was like, why, why am I doing that? You know I got I got super frustrated. But I just realized it's okay.

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DeDee Cai: We had to go back far enough. And of course, my background cognitive psychology. I started really learning. Okay, because I was conditioned because of my experiences in my childhood makes me feel a certain way about myself.

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DeDee Cai: And so like that, just basically like self-sabotaging and expression things like that. It's just. I just never was able to heal from certain experiences in the past, where I felt lower or not not less than and or inadequate.

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DeDee Cai: And so when I realized I was like. And I really come into acceptance of compassion. And just okay, well, those were not really mistakes, you know. I really didn't fail because I had to try those things to know what I need to know, to do what I need to do now. So those were just basically experiences. And I really really shifting. I guess my mind and reframed, like all of my thoughts about failure

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DeDee Cai: and things like that again. It's not an overnight thing. I don't want people to think that it's like I just woke up one morning and be like, I feel worthy today. No, it's like it's been years and years and years of working on myself, and I'm still working on myself. But it's the little things that you started really like. As you said, you use the word dissecting, or even reflecting on

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DeDee Cai: why you do certain things. And is it really productive for you, or is it really getting you to the closer to the result? And I think I was always

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DeDee Cai: really result oriented. And or I always believe in our human potential, and that we can always do better right? So the self-worth piece comes when I realized I was self sabotaging and things like that. And then, secondly, when I really start learning about, you know responsibility, I think I believe I'd learned this in like a leadership coaching program was like, Oh, my gosh, I get to be responsible.

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DeDee Cai: like right for whatever I have right now, because I if it's like

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DeDee Cai: action, consequence, or cause and effect.

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DeDee Cai: then

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DeDee Cai: it's all me right, like I was able to have everything and build everything. And and I'm responsible for 100 of the things that I have now and the things that I don't have yet.

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DeDee Cai: So I think

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DeDee Cai: that's pretty big, right like 1st is self-worth, but at the same time because I feel worthy enough then I really am now really responsible for my own results. Of success, you know, and and whatever that that looks like for me, I get to be responsible for that.

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DeDee Cai: So there's probably 2 2 prongs to the answer.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, I love both of those. The the relationship between self sabotage and self-worth is something that

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Lindsay Ford: you know. I had a big like Aha! Moment, maybe about

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Lindsay Ford: 6 weeks ago. It's pretty new, just going through a detox program and related to food and sabotage. And

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Lindsay Ford: there was something that the person who was mentoring me through that

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Lindsay Ford: said to me, Walk! There was something that flipped in my brain. And you know this control. I'll say that food had over me.

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Lindsay Ford: even my ability just to say No, like someone offered me muffins this morning, like my ability to say no, I always felt obligated to take it, even if I didn't really want it. But it really comes back to

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Lindsay Ford: do. I believe I'm worthy of treating my body well, and I think you know, when we talk about success and earning money, it's am I worthy of

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Lindsay Ford: being paid? Well, am I worthy of, you know, making a full-time income for part-time hours. Am I worthy of

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Lindsay Ford: being able to have that flexibility in my schedule to, you know? Go to my kids school and pick them up from school and do all the things. There's the worthiness piece. I feel like I'm just like

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Lindsay Ford: I'm just like it's. Finally there's pieces finally clicking in my brain recently that I'm like,

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Lindsay Ford: It just didn't click before like like it was there. But it just didn't click before and I did, and the other important, the part you know. Your second prong there of you are responsible like it is all on you.

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Lindsay Ford: you know. I feel like. There's such a conditioning right now in our society to play the biggest victim. Nothing's your fault. Point fingers lame blame.

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DeDee Cai: Shame. Yeah.

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Lindsay Ford: Shame. Nothing is your fault, and

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Lindsay Ford: I think, as a result, you know, if you

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Lindsay Ford: that taking responsibility piece is so uncomfortable

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Lindsay Ford: for a lot of people.

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Lindsay Ford: and they see it almost as like a self blaming of like, you know, if I'm if something is going well in my life, I am responsible for it. If something is going poorly in my life, I am responsible for it. And you know, when you can get out of that victim mentality of like

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Lindsay Ford: that like, get out of that blame and shame stuff, and really say.

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Lindsay Ford: you know what I am responsible for all aspects of my life. It is so empowering.

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DeDee Cai: Oh, empowering. Yeah.

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Lindsay Ford: It is not about blaming yourself for your mistakes. It's just like, No, I can like. This is 100% in my control. I am not. You know this is not happening because of, you know, Susie, down the street, or like your boss, or whatever.

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DeDee Cai: Talk about the government today? Yes, yeah, no, absolutely not. I'm with you. 100%.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, it's it's such an empowering feeling. Are you able to? You know you talked about alignment

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Lindsay Ford: and finding alignment?

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Lindsay Ford: I'm wondering if you can just

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Lindsay Ford: describe what it feels like to be aligned

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Lindsay Ford: with your work.

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DeDee Cai: Oh.

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DeDee Cai: love, love the question so much like I said. I literally was meditating before I got on. I usually do that. That's my habit of really getting, you know, present with myself.

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DeDee Cai: Alignment feels like flow.

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DeDee Cai: Alignment feels warm, you know, in a chest.

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DeDee Cai: Alignment feels like this weighted feeling like in your belly area, like in your around your button area, like you just feel super grounded.

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DeDee Cai: alignment feels easy.

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DeDee Cai: right? Alignments. Feels like

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DeDee Cai: there's no holding back.

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DeDee Cai: I mean, we can talk of like feelings all the time, but it's truly that alignment is is really, truly knowing that you're on the right path, no matter what what is going on in your life. Right now, I mean, I can name a few things that I can that we can do better absolutely. But I can name a thousand things that is working out, you know, for me, and that's what

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DeDee Cai: alignment feels like. It's really trusting and knowing no matter what that that things are going to, you know. Work out, you know, for you.

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DeDee Cai: Yeah, it's just really useful, liberating comforting like like, it's almost like the edge between like discomfort. And you know, like excitement, you know, at the same time.

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DeDee Cai: yeah. And and I really

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DeDee Cai: believe that we have it, like all of us, have it. It's just a matter of seeking for it and doing whatever it takes to find it. You know whether it is Yoga, or it is sitting in meditation, or, you know, going on a walk on your own by yourself. Things like that. But you definitely just like my my mentor would say you would know it when you see it, or you feel it.

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Lindsay Ford: Yeah, it really is this feeling I love what you just said about that line between

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Lindsay Ford: discomfort and excitement, because

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Lindsay Ford: it is, you know, when something's aligned. It's not always comfortable.

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DeDee Cai: Oh, no, it is not comfortable. No, it's not.

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Lindsay Ford: There's there is an ease and flow to it, but it is not always comfortable, and I think that that is something like when that discomfort comes in when that fear creeps in. That's when people sort of like

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Lindsay Ford: balk at.

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Lindsay Ford: you know, going forward and staying in alignment.

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Lindsay Ford: One of the other things that you didn't say in this conversation. But you said, in your application is, the feelings of inadequacy are often rooted in fear and comparison, and I'm just wondering

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Lindsay Ford: if you could expand on that, because it comes back to that self-worth

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Lindsay Ford: question earlier and and even just

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Lindsay Ford: the ability, I think, to stay in alignment.

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DeDee Cai: Yeah, it's it's definitely exactly that. Right? Like, if we are in alignment, if I am I am in alignment with who, I, am.

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DeDee Cai: Then I wouldn't be comparing myself to put myself in a position to feel less than.

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DeDee Cai: and if I was worthy enough, no matter what's going on around me. They're just things and events and things that just happen around me. I feel whole and complete.

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DeDee Cai: And

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DeDee Cai: unless, like I was sharing with you about realizing I was self. Sabotaging was when I needed to work on that self-worth piece. Same thing was when I realized that I was always comparing myself to others and things like that. Guess what I was trying to prove myself to others.

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DeDee Cai: I was not in acceptance of who I am as a person, and there's always a higher amount, and there's always someone who seems to be doing better than you. But ultimately, at the end.

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DeDee Cai: do you feel worthy? Do you feel proud of yourself, do you? Are, you, you know, 100% responsible. If you were to be 100% responsible for your own happiness, fulfillment, and success. What does that look like? Does it look like comparing yourself to other people? No, it doesn't look like that. And if you were to be in alignment with what you're doing.

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DeDee Cai: then it does it really matter what you're doing what other people are doing? So I would say that that's my take on. It is just really, truly coming from a place of

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DeDee Cai: for full self-acceptance, you know, of whatever it is that you have to give, and really staying there, and really doing the work to really remind yourself that your whole, complete and perfect.

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DeDee Cai: you know, no matter what you do.

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Lindsay Ford: I think that's a great place to end so many. There's been so many, just like nuggets of wisdom in

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Lindsay Ford: what you've said throughout this whole podcast, and it's almost one that I feel like,

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Lindsay Ford: needs to be slowly digested because there's so many little little pieces like even what you just said about.

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Lindsay Ford: you know, when you are sort of grounded

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Lindsay Ford: in yourself, and you know you're worthy. You're not looking at what anyone else is doing. And

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Lindsay Ford: you know. Yeah, just so many nuggets of wisdom. Where can people find you.

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DeDee Cai: Yes, I can talk for days, especially as you can see I am on social. We can be found on Ww. Dot fit to profit.com all spelled out. I'm on Instagram, Linkedin, Facebook. You can find my Youtube channel as well. But ultimately, you know, with today's technology, I'm just a message away. So

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DeDee Cai: you want to have a conversation about self-worth. How to get there, you know, getting in alignment with who you are, and ultimately, you know, define your own level of success, what that looks like, and how to not lose yourself in the process. I'm just a message away.

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Lindsay Ford: Amazing. Thank you so much for being here today. Didi.

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DeDee Cai: You're welcome. Thank you again. So much for having me. It has been delightful thanks so much.