Episode 56 - The Sliding Scale of Happiness

The very things that make you the happiest can also make you miserable.

Any parent knows this → your kids can be the source of so much joy and also drive you mad. 

When it comes to decoding what makes you happy, it’s not all black and white.

Find out more about what I mean in this episode :)

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Transcript

Some of your favourite things can also be some of your biggest stressors, or sources of discomfort.

If you’ve hung around me for a little while now, you’ll know that my view on the world isn’t exactly black and white.

There’s so much grey. There are sliding scales and the very things that make you the happiest can also make you miserable!

And it’s really this sliding scale idea I want to talk with you about today.

I had a friend when I was in my 20’s who was battling depression, and she was fighting this depression using a spreadsheet she created of all of the parts of her life that made her happy and all of the parts that made her sad, or agitated, stressed, or depressed.

She was explaining all of this to me one day and she pointed out something extremely profound, that has stuck with me for decades.

And it was her observations that one thing could make her BOTH happy and sad. For example, her dog was a source of joy for her, but having a dog felt overwhelming at times.

For those of us with children, I’m sure you can relate. Our kids can be a source of pure joy and also be one of the biggest reasons we fly of the rails!

I’ve also noticed over the years that my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses.

So it’s this spectrum I want you to pay attention to.

It’s this concept of not being either/or but both/and that I want you to notice.

Getting out in the sun can give you lots of vitamin D and keep you healthy AND too much of it can burn your skin and hurt you.

It’s not that sun is bad for you. Or good for you. It’s not an either/or thing. BOTH are true.

You can feel fulfilled being a mom AND want more for yourself. So your kids can be both enough and not enough to fulfill you depending on the moment.

You can be content staying at home, homeschooling your kids AND still want to run a business. BOTH can be true.

Chocolate cake can feel good in your body AND also make you sick if you eat too much.

Lots of sleep can mean waking up with LOTS of energy AND if you sleep past a certain time it can make you groggy.

The reason I’m sharing this idea with you is because when it comes to tuning into who you are, finding your purpose, creating a life of joy, or even parenting your kids, this concept is something you need to be aware of.

The very things you want in life can also be your downfall.
Your strengths can be your weaknesses.

For example, your ability to plan and organize can be incredibly useful AND it may also mean you have trouble relaxing.

You ability to anticipate the small details may mean you’re well prepared, but it may also mean you have trouble trusting that everything will be OK even if a few details get missed.

You may be really good at supporting your child’s emotions and letting them fully express themselves, sitting with them through their outbursts. AND this may also mean that you put their emotions first and struggle to set boundaries.

You may really enjoy taking care of others and love helping family and friends AND you may also feel taken advantage of because of this. So it can BOTH fill your cup AND deplete you, depending on the situation.

It’s important to notice.
This is where tuning into your body, and inner wisdom comes in.

Because it’s not black and white.

It’s not always clear on the surface.

But if we give ourselves the space to tune into how we’re feeling and actually prioritize OUR emotions, we can start to see the nuances.

When we’re aware of this spectrum, this sliding scale, we won’t beat ourselves up that we’re not “happy” when we feel like we “should” be happy.

How many of us tell ourselves that we should be grateful for what we have??

And while that’s mostly true, usually in those moments where we’re having that conversation with ourself, it’s because we’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted or discouraged by the situation we’re in.

And then we’re judging ourselves for feeling that way.

Being happy isn’t about finding ONE thing and going ALL in.

It’s an artful balancing act where we’re in balance one moment and happy, and then we’re out of balance in the next moment, and then we get to notice and shift and re-balance.

So I want you to keep this idea of the sliding scale in mind as you’re going through your days because it really can shed some light on the wide range of emotions that are going on inside of you.