Co-parenting can feel exhausting. And what I mean by exhausting, and we often use that term, but it's really, it really comes with this feeling of. Defeat and helplessness and this like, there's nothing I can do. It feels like we're stuck in this loop. And when will this end? And I want you to know, like everything else, it doesn't have to be this way.
And we're gonna go through three reasons why it feels exhausting and what to do about them. So the first is that you're stuck in a loop. Now this one seems kind of obvious because if. Feels like you're having the same fight over and over again. The same disagreement. You're getting into the same issues.
Yes. It might be like on the surface about different things, but the undercurrent of it is really like you are Exactly. You're having the same fight over and over again, and it feels. Exhausting because you're just like, when will this end? And I'm here to tell you that that loop will not break. You will not go on a different, onto a different trajectory until you do something radically different.
And what I mean by this is that we can start to show up differently. We can start to do things differently. And if you feel like you've tried everything and still nothing works, I want you to consider. Starting to treat this like a game, and I don't say this to undermine the seriousness of whatever it is that you're dealing with, but when we can take a more playful approach, a more experimental approach, it lightens the burden on us.
It lightens the weight. We can look at it like this fun puzzle that we're trying to solve. So we can start to experiment with different ideas and when it something doesn't work, we move on to the next. It's like this game that we get to play, and when we can put that playful curiosity hat on, it opens ourselves up to very different possibilities and very different solutions that wouldn't have been on our radar.
So when we're feeling like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders and we have to make it work, then we're only gonna try things that we think will absolutely work and not, you know, rattle the cages, so to speak. When we put a more playful hat on, we're just like, oh, we'll just try phrasing it like this today, or I'll try this, this new approach today, or What about this?
And it just. It takes the weight off, it lightens the load. You start to experiment with different things and different solutions come o like come to you because you're in a more playful, open mindset. And then that's where we can find some really creative solutions that we wouldn't have thought of when we were in this like heavy, heavy feeling state of mind.
So treat it like a game. You get to experiment. You're just trying to figure out a puzzle if something works. Cool. Now you know that doesn't work. Let's try something new. So really take this playful approach and watch things shift not only in your energy, but what's unfolding around you. The second reason it's so exhausting is that you're telling yourself it's exhausting.
And so it is. And before you just like, you know, get your back up about this, I want you to really consider the story, the script that is playing out in your mind over and over again. And what happens with, with our brain is it's like when you're buying a red car. We start to see red cars everywhere, right?
So if we're saying it's hard, it's draining, it's not working, like, it's like he's not gonna change all of this stuff. Our brain is like, cool, that's, that's our frame of reference. We're gonna start looking for evidence that all of that is true. So it becomes this not so helpful feedback loop. And from a manifestation perspective.
What you focus on, what, where your point of attraction is, is what you're gonna attract back into your life. So if you're focused on it, it's hard. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. Life is gonna keep giving you evidence and reasons that it's hard. So I want you to consider of what if it's easy, what if it's easier?
Start to shift your script, your belief. If someone is asking you, how are things going with your ex and you. Find yourself defaulting into, oh, he's doing this and, and this isn't working and, and it's heavy and it's blah, blah, blah. And you're not gonna say it's heavy, but just like, you know that feeling state, like it feels heavy.
Flip that script, come up with a different response that you can not only say to yourself, but you can say to others. Because when you can shift your response to something that feels a little bit more. Relief. That's a feeling of relief. You're not looking to, you know, put rose colored goggles on and pretend like everything is just like happy and amazing.
This is about mic, um, shifting what's going on inside of, you're shifting your feelings one incremental bit at a time, so you're looking of a feeling of relief. So instead of saying it's hard, you can say, I'm experimenting with different approaches and I'm curious to see what works. You could say something as simple as that and notice.
How that feels in your body. Like really tune into how that feels in your body. Because like I said, you're looking for a feeling of relief, something that gives you some room. It, it's like a some room to look for a solution that open this, this phrasing that you're open to a solution and you don't feel so heavy and stuck.
So really experiment with this idea that it could be easier and shifting your script and your mindset because. Saying it's hard over and over again is just a loop that you don't wanna reinforce anymore. So start to shift and notice how not only you feel differently inside. Watch how things shift around you.
And the third reason you're feeling so exhausted is you're waiting for your ex to change. And you're believing him. And this is like, you can only focus on what you can control. You can't change your ex. Yes, you can show up differently. And that starts to create a different a, a ripple effect on your ex and making him change.
And I talk about that in my Conscious co-parenting course in depth, which I can strongly encourage you to join and we can start to, as we change our shelf and start to show up differently, we can. You know, essentially change how he shows up. But the focus isn't on changing him. The focus is on changing ourself and focusing on what we can control, and we can only control so much.
So if you're in a situation where your ex is, you're waiting for him to change, you're, you're hoping that what he says this time, he'll follow through on that. He can believe, you know, probably there are things that he can't be trusted with. Like with my ex, he cannot be trusted to show up on time.
Sometimes even on time, sometimes he's not. Sometimes he's like an hour late. And what I have learned over the years is that I can just trust him to be late because every time I was like hoping that he would show up on time and attach to that outcome and hoping that this time he was gonna be reliable.
This time he was gonna show up when he said he was gonna show up and he didn't. I would get really upset and really frustrated and just like, oh my God, like, like I can't believe he's doing this. And then I was just like, why? He can be expected to show up late and I don't have to get worked up about it.
Like I just, because it was affecting my happiness, my peace, my like stress pattern and exhaustion and yeah, like I want him to show up on time and he can't be trusted to show up on time, so I'm not going to. Attach my happiness and my peace to him doing something different than something he's already like always done.
So what I'm encouraging you to do is really focus on what you control can control. So if you don't wanna be triggered and affected by your ex, really, you know, what are you attaching? Your feelings to, are you attaching it to him, showing up in a different way than he's always done? Or is it, are you attaching them to him changing?
Are you trying to change him in order to make you happy? What I'm really encouraging you to do here is focus on what you can control and you can control your expectations of him and level that with, you know, the reality and experience that. He has given you up until this time. And if he does something different, if he surprises you by being on time, then amazing.
And that gets to be an even happier feeling that, oh, he followed through on something rather than, ugh, just this one time he followed through. But every other time he's always late and, and then, and when he is late, then you're just like, oh, see, I told you So like it's just. Why are we doing this to ourselves?
Why are we doing this to ourselves? We have so much power over our own feelings and emotions. We don't have to let him affect our happiness. We don't have to let him affect our peace. We don't have to let him just like exhaust us and deplete us. So if we are feeling exhausted and co-parenting, there is absolutely a way out.
You are just carrying your, the weight of old patterns and beliefs that are no longer serving you, and it's time to let them go. So if you are ready to shed those limiting beliefs. Those, those patterns that you're in and really take ownership of your peace, your calmness, your happiness, then I really encourage you to check out my conscious co-parenting program.
The Doors are open. I'm excited to have you in there. It really has the ability to radically change your co-parenting situation, your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your ex, and the ripple effect of that is it has a massive potential to change your entire life. So go check out that course.
I would love to have you in there, and I will see you next time.
